OK, you just opened the letter form the IRS, and you are NOT in a good mood. 

I can help with that pending audit.  And in the meantime, maybe I can help with your mood.

There is a sense of resignation, and maybe gallows humor, surrounding the tax collector.  Below we have gatherd some of the more notable pronouncements concerning taxes:

“I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.” — Arthur Godfrey, entertainer

“People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.” 
— Unknown

The IRS no longer publishes a refund "cycle chart" that predicts when refund checks will be issued. Instead, it allows taxpayers to check the progress of their return up to the point the refund is issued.  The data is only updated daily, usually overnight, so don't bother to check more than once a day.  Here's how to track your refund.  

It's good to be the best.

And, it appears that it would cost me only $249 to achieve that distinction.

Here's the text of an email that offers to crown me "The Best"...

(6/13/14) Congress has enacted a "taxpayer bill of rights" several times over the past few decades, first in 1988, then again in 1996.  A third version, in 1998, never got out of committee.

Fast forward to 2014: This time, the IRS is claiming credit for "adopting" a new Taxpayer Bill of Rights.  Actually, there is nothing new here, as these rights are codified in various places of the Internal Revenue Code, but the IRS has simplified and organized the concepts in 10 clearly stated taxpayer rights, which will be included with IRS audit and determination correspondence to taxpayers. 

The IRS has seen a recent increase in local phone scams across the country, with callers pretending to be from the IRS in hopes of stealing money or identities from victims.

These phone scams include many variations, ranging from instances from where callers say the victims owe money or are entitled to a huge refund. Some calls can threaten arrest and threaten a driver’s license revocation. Sometimes these calls are paired with follow-up calls from people saying they are from the local police department or the state motor vehicle department. After threatening victims with jail time or a driver’s license revocation, scammers hang up and others soon call back pretending to be from the local police or DMV, and the caller ID supports their claim.

In another variation, one sophisticated phone scam has targeted taxpayers, including recent immigrants, throughout the country. Victims are told they owe money to the IRS and it must be paid promptly through a pre-loaded debit card or wire transfer. If the victim refuses to cooperate, they are then threatened with arrest, deportation or suspension of a business or driver’s license. In many cases, the caller becomes hostile and insulting.